Roy and Liquor Don't Mix
by KingofLoosePages
Summary: Roy is a little tipsy, will Ed let it continue? RoyxEd implied booze


**Tittle::**Roy and Liqour Don't Mix  
**Rating:: **T  
**Pairing::**RoyxEd  
**Disclaimer::** Do I have to? -cringes- Yeah okay. I don't own FMA and if I did then it would be a YAOI series anyway. -pouts-  
**Warnings::** Bad writing all together, Shounen Ai, Drunk Roy, OOCnes  
**Stuff::** This was so I could write a fic with the alterations I made to a Nickleback song. As you can see, I'm BAD at songfics and really most fics I write turn out horrid.

Edward Elric, Peoples Alchemist and dog of the military stared in mute shock at his commanding officer. Roy Mustang was drunk. Not just drunk, oh no, his life could never be THAT easy, but STUPID drunk. Clad in his uniform and standing half on a table half on a chair he had a salt shaker in his hand by his mouth and was singing off key into it for the whole mess hall to hear. How did this happen you ask? Well Ed wasn't really sure on that one either.

It had been a pretty normal day at the start. He'd gone into Colonel Bastards office and bitched at him for a while then stormed away ranting about how he wasn't short damn it! gone to check on Al who'd holed himself up in their dorm because Ed wouldn't let him have a kitten, then after being pouted at he went to get some lunch. He was halfway done with his soup when Mustang burst into the room declaring loudly that he was afraid of his paperwork and proceeded to scramble onto a table and begin to sing. Ed didn't recognize the song at first but when the familiar lyrics penetrated his shock fogged brain he'd gone to try and stop the man.

"Well you can dig me up a grave  
and try to stick me in the ground  
Well you can tie me to the bed  
and try to beat me half to death  
but you can never keep me down  
Well you can stick me in a hole  
and you can pray all day for rain  
You can shoot me in the leg  
Just to try to make me beg  
and you can leave me there for days."

With a cry of mental anguish Ed pulled himself to his feet and shoved his way through the crowd of people to the Flame Alchemist. "Colonel, stop and get down." He said in a slightly tight voice but Roy ignored him.

"And I'll stay alive  
just to follow you home  
and I will survive  
'Cause your my East City Demon and my Central City King  
Protector of Amestris and every country in between  
you can slap me in the face  
you can scream profanity  
leave me here to die alone but  
I'll still follow you home  
I'll still follow you home"

Ed groaned and climbed up on the table next to him grabbing his arm and tugging slightly. "Bastard! Get off the table and quit making yourself appear like an imbecile!" He hissed and Roy paused in his song to stare at him in confusion before breaking into a wide grin and planting a messy, gross, and all together unpleasant kiss on Ed's mouth. He missed by a bit and got the corner but it was enough to send a cheering howl through the crowd of onlookers. With his temper on rise Ed showed what he thought was an impressive amount of control and instead of transmuting everyone into rodents and letting Al get as many cats as he wanted he took a deep breath.

"Right, you want to make this hard on me, fine. Have it your way. But you'll have to make this shit up to me Mustang." The officers that had hooted and hollered at the kiss watched in growing dread as Ed took a deep breath then lifted his commanding officer up as if Roy was light as a feather and carry him effortlessly from the room and back to his office. Havoc continued sitting in his spot eating his own soup and being glad he'd not howled at the kiss like the others. Major Elric was scary when mad.

"You have really pretty hair Edward." Roy slurred out when he realized he wasn't in the company of so many people anymore. "It's soft too." He rubbed his cheek against the braid and stayed limp over Ed's shoulder. "Shut up Bastard, I don't have the patience to deal with this." They entered the office and Ed waved Hawkeye off letting her know he could handle it. She nodded slowly and sat back down to finish her own lunch.

Ed sat Roy down in his chair behind his desk "Now explain to me what the hell you were thinking and why it was a good idea to make an ass of yourself in front or the bulk of East City's Lower officers?" Roy looked down in a very un-Roy-like manner at Ed's angry tone. "I was bored?" It was more a question than an answer and Ed's eyes narrowed. "Okay so I was looking for you. Al said you went to get lunch." He mumbled and fidgeted slightly in his chair.

"you saw me this morning Roy, why did you feel the need to bug me more?" Roy fidgeted again and glanced at Hawkeye for help only to find that she was doing paperwork now and ignoring them completely. "You umm...you looked really pretty storming out of my office earlier and I wanted to go and see you again." Ed blinked then snorted. "How the hell did you get this drunk so fast?" Hawkeye did look up this time. "He can't hold his liqour no matter what anyone says and he was already half drunk when you walked in. I didn't think it was that bad when he came in this morning else I would have made him go home."  
Ed nodded and turned his attention back to Roy only to find that the man had moved and was very close to him now. "You really are pretty Fullmetal." He planted another sloppy kiss on Ed's lips and got the right target this time. Ed allowed this until the man pulled away again. "You will stay here and drink water you bastard because I'm tired of dealing with you today and my shoulder hurts from your fat ass." Roy's face screwed up and he glared hotly at Ed. "I am not fat!" Ed snorted again and stood to leave. "I'll get him some water Lt. Hawkeye, then I have to go and make sure my brother hasn't smuggled in a cat or something." He left and Roy stayed morosely where his subordinate had left him.

"Why does he hate me so much Riza?" The woman smiled at him a little and shook her head. "He doesn't hate you sir, if he did he would have let you make a fool of yourself and he wouldn't have let you kiss him. I think he just doesn't want to accept that maybe he is allowed to like someone besides his brother." Roy mumbled something and fell asleep slumped over on his desk. He missed Ed's return and Al's concerned questions. When he woke he would have one hell of a hangover but for now he was content with the memory of the kisses he'd stolen and the almost caring way Ed had made sure he wouldn't embarrass himself more than he already had.

Owari


End file.
